I am your new best friend!

So, I went out the other night with my friend Ryan. Ryan is gay and a blast. We always manage squeeze a good time out of any situation. The extra plus is that Ryan doesn't drink, so he is available help me keep my shit together should things go horribly awry and drive me home.

Ryan has a couple of friends that were participating in this Slideshow thing. People bring in their own tray of personal slides and reveal funny stuff about themselves (sometimes very intense stuff). So our plan was to grab dinner and then attend said Slideshow. I am headed over to Ryans to pick him up (he drives the funniest Saturn, it is an obsessive compulsive spaceship) because his car is always ailing in some way. I get a call. Ryan is in Northridge at 5:30 on a Friday. WHAT? Dinner is out. I tell him to pick me up at my little corner cafe when he makes it back over the hill. Crazy boy. He actually thought that he would get back over the hill in 30 minutes.

I turn around and head home. Park my car (not an easy feat in my neighborhood) and walk over to the cafe. Now, let me preface this with the fact that I love this place but they must think I am insane. Because it is around the corner from my house, I treat it like its my kitchen. I have walked over there in my jammies or in various states of undress. Typically I cruise over there wearing a big hat and toting a book. I eat alone and read my book, looking probably very suspicious. They are used to me now and when it is slow the staff sit with me to chat and drink. The great thing about the walking distance thing is that I can stumble home without worry of vehicular nonsense. So on this night Kate was working and she always flows with the wine. I have a lovely dinner and a lot of wine. Ryan calls intermittently with traffic reports. After starting the 3rd glass of wine, I decide I can sit and wait all night. This is where the train starts to come off the tracks. Ryan is going to pick me up. I will not be driving!!! I then decide that I have had a really hard week and I need to treat myself to a proper drunk. I was already well on my way!

Finally Ryan arrives and off we go. The extra bonus aspect of the Slideshow thing is that the $10 ticket includes (YES includes) free booze!!!! I am not driving!!! Genius!!! We get to the gallery, I buffalo my way through the crowd to the folding table in the back with the wine bottles. People are looking at the bottles and discussing what to have. I glare at them, grab the closest one and pour.....pour....pour to the rim. Nice! We find our seats and begin critiquing the rest of the audience, sotto voce. The Slideshow is funny. Really funny at times. These people have balls to get up and show pictures of themselves at age 11. No one looked good at 11. There are about 6 people presenting. After the 3rd finishes, I crane my neck to see what the situation is with the wine. I see bottles on the table and they appear to still have liquid in them. I tell Ryan that I am going to get more wine. He looks at me, slightly askance and says "Right now?" We are sitting in the middle of the totally packed audience in the dark. "You go get me some then." He looks at me like I am crazy and turns away. Ah, the plight of the non drinker. They don't now how much effort it takes to maintain a steady drunk. I drained the last of my Cab and hunkered down. The show ends and there is alot of milling around, double cheek kissing etc. Ryan looks at me and says "The Bar?". Is that a question??? Duh!!!! There are more insincere compliments and I am looking at the wine table again. Finally, after telling everyone where we are going so they can meet us, we leave.

The funny thing about going to the Bar with Ryan is that he doesn't drink. Yet, we go fairly frequently and he likes it. Cute boys, cool space etc etc. I don't question it, I just enjoy. We get there and it is packed. People exploding out the door. Uh Oh! I do not do the"stand around and hold my drink thing". Especially one bottle of pinot noir into an evening. We wedge through to the bar and begin the process of the ocular yoo-hoo to get drinks (bourbon for me, coke for Ryan). I have high praise for the staff at the Bar. They are always nice and accommodating. Drew, our favorite, sees us and says "You guys want to share a table with some people?" Sure, we don't care. Ryan and I can talk to just about anyone. We are ushered over to a table where an attractive couple is sitting. We confirm that they are accepting strangers and then basically take over. There is lots of "who are you? what do you do?" blah blah blah. Bourbon. The thing that was funny is what they were drinking. Drew came over and the guy, Laurence, orders a "surfer on acid". Are you kidding me? Are we at Live Bait in Long Beach circa 1994? Somehow, the girl, Christina, and I keep a straight face. Ryan, the non drinker, does not know that this is highly unusual and downright weird. Christina then orders a single malt Scotch. Yeah for serious drinks. I keep the bourbon flowing. The night continues on and at some point all of the people from the Slideshow show up. I am sure that Ryan and I seemed very "People about town" for 10 minutes. More drinks. This is when we learn that Laurence and Christina are on their first date and Drew plopped us down about 5 minutes into "getting to know you". Holy Shit, are you kidding? Bring another round!!! I feel compelled at this point to tell everyone around me that I am not driving. They all look very relieved. The fog rolls in at this point. I recall drink spillage. There was some cheesecake, I think. Stumbling through the kitchen to the bathroom and almost getting locked in the walk-in freezer. Hmmmm. At some point Ryan manages to pull me together and begin the extraction process. There is stumbling to the car, dropping things etc. At some point I force Ryan to take pictures of me. He is such a good sport. I am carefully and soberly transported back to my home. I wake up 3 hours later, in bed with the lights on, fully clothed. Hmmmm. I remedy the situation and pass out...again.

The next morning I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 9am. Its weird I know. I meet friends for lunch. Margaritas ahhhhhh. I am headed home when my phone rings. I don't know the number so I don't answer. I get home and check the messages. "Hey H, its Christina from last night at the Bar. Your new best friend!!!! I don't know if it will work out with Laurence but know that you and I will be great friends..........!!!!! Dum Da Dum Dum." I immediately call Ryan. Did I do anything weird last night? Well, your shirt was hanging open for a good portion of the evening and your were slurring to beat the band. I have never seen you so drunk. Keep in mind, I have known Ryan for 10 years. That's pretty drunk. I tell him about the call and he thinks its interesting. He says that I should call her back. But something in the back of my mind says no. I think there might have been something that happened in the bathroom........
Damn the Bourbon!