yes Virginia, the rock opera does still exist but it might hurt you

So I had the strange and bizarre opportunity to experience an actual rock opera recently. And yes, it almost hurt me. But I have lived to tell the tale.

First, lets lay the blame on Summer shall we? Who, of course, will pass the buck to Jack her erstwhile co-worker and carpool bingo partner. Jacks pal was going to be playing with this band, the Kooks, at Mr T's Bowl and it was certain to be a hoot. Or at least this was how it was reported to me. Well, I am game for just about anything and Jack is a nut. Yipee!!

So we head out on a rain swept night to see what this was all about. For those of you who don't know, Mr' T's Bowl is an actual bowling alley although it is rarely used as such. But it comes equipped with a black lit bar that shows everyone's undergarments through their clothes. Good times! And to add interest to the setting, the bar seems to be staffed by this odd woman who looks like she came over on Ukrainian sex trade boat. But I will say she can sling the drinks. (Summer will contest this.) Once we entered, acquired Jack and some cocktails, we began to take a look around. We started to notice that the crowd was more varied than usual. You have a good grip of the swing vintagey types, the sorta indie rocker types (that are trying soooo hard to fly the freak flag) and then the requisite neighborhood winos who are in love with the Ukrainian bartender who is probably selling it out the back door. The odd part is the high percentage of people yammering away in German. German? Well, apparently the band opening for the Kooks is a German swing band. Hence the swing types. I have no idea what their name was but I can say in all honesty, they were good. Really good. And long winded. They played for what seemed like forever. Finally they wrapped it up and it became apparent that the majority of the patrons were going to be leaving. Oh dear.

Summer and I venture into the bar to replenish before the Kooks. It is around this time that I learn that they will be performing an original rock opera based on the book of Genesis. Huh? I will admit that my bible knowledge is rusty (read non-existent). I consider ordering a double to steel myself against what might be coming but Summer and I are rapidly running out of dough. Hmmph. We hold our drinks in a death grip and head towards the stage. The smallish stage is populated with a very strange group of people. The lead guitar, who is seriously wishing he were Sebastian Bach. A keyboard player who appears to have just finished administering a junior high algebra test to his students. A bass player who looks like a bloated Vince Vaughn. On drums was the person we knew, Coprock. There was another person tucked in the back by Coprock but for the life of me that is all I remember. And then there are the singers (ahem, vocalists). The male portraying Satan appears to be a down on his luck Rob Zombie who is clutching the lyrics for dear life. Lillith is embodied by a woman who seems to have been plucked from a Renaissance Faire (I hate that fuckin "e" on the end. And don't get me started on shoppe!!!!). Her corset is really tight and her boobs are trying to spill out the top. Satan is really hoping they do too. And so they sing. There is some narrative to try to hold things together and let the audience know what the hell is going on. Well, we don't care. It sucks and we are trapped. So what do you do in this situation???? Scope the room for wacky people, of course!!! After a cursory sweep of the room, one person came to all the girls attention. Indie Hot Guy. What the hell was he doing here? Seemingly alone?? Was he foreign? Lost? Really incredibly bored??? We speculated for quite a while but never came up with a satisfying explanation because we were immediately distracted by "the dancers". Somehow some people had managed to pour enough Heineken down their throats to think that this particular rock opera was danceable!!!! Holy Hats!!! Initially it was just a couple. They were sorta gyrating. Sorta wobbling. But they were soon joined by Really Drunk Scary Girl, who thought they needed company. I was sitting next to Paige and we were transfixed. This woman was defying all laws of gravity staying upright. She was less than three feet from us and we thought she was goin down for sure. I started to position myself to block the falling body, glancing nervously at Paige. Raised eyebrows. And then as quickly (or not) as it started, it ended. Lillith was spent and couldn't breathe in the corset. Satan needed to take his heart attack pills. We clapped enthusiastically. More out of surprise that it had been fairly brief (as far as rock operas go) than actual appreciation for their musicianship.

So, yes Virginia, there is still rock opera out there. Stay the hell away from it!!!